I was of a cloud... an iota.
Vaster than solar systems
larger than life.
purple and hues of white.
Within me were flaming white dots
scattered as thoroughly as they painted the sky
stretching out with green flares that shifted my temperament.
I was still cold until then. But my insides had begun to change.
With explosive alchemy and massive lightning bolts of eclectic transfiguration
I could only grow outward.
What was happening?
What grotesque horror could rage with so much chaos?
Woe was this moment where I ceased to exist.
Where my form first appeared lost and I slowly fell apart.
Why could I only grow outward?
Why could I not stay the same?
Would I not feel?
But only bitter time passed in long wait of the end.
And I was only ever growing outward.
Raging fires continued to churn new forms of my own existence.
What was taking so long?
I pondered as I stared longingly at the clouds that used to be a part of me.
I began to wonder if they thought they were me.
Was I even me?
What if I was them?
Surely these confusing questions weren't meant to be asked.
But while I yearned for them to regain my form
they would only hover slightly from beyond my grasp.
When the clouds too started changing, I was dismayed.
They had lost their form. They could only grow outward.
But wasn't this wrong? Shouldn't they be spared my fate?
If only we would recombine, our forms would remain.
But what had started as a change from within
became a change of my environment as well.
I was soon very sad to lose my view...
Sometimes I would have intense dreams of a new sensation
that encompassed everything
recycling itself over and over again at all times everywhere!...
And when I wasn't dreaming anymore, it felt like the sensation was somehow always there,
I just couldn't always feel it...
More time passed.
Having less a part of me made myself easier to understand.
I discovered that the brilliant white lights inside of me were in fact volatile and unpredictable:
explosions that seemed to last forever, until they finally die.
They are mighty.
They spin rocks around and incinerate everything that gets too close.
In death, they shudder one last fiery breath that blows everything I am around it.
After death, they still wreak havoc. They eat everything around them for a very long time.
I wished I did not have suns anymore. They felt like a sickness.
I blamed them for making me change.
What will happen once they have eaten too much?
I didn't think it would be something bad for me, so I was not anxious.
And for the very first time, I was curious.
But still I grew outward.
My form ever changing in wild, and often violent ways that I could not control.
My curiosity grew.
I learned that I wasn't dying, I was changing.
I realized I was also waiting.
But I didn't know what for.
(End of Part One)
This is supposed to be part one of a three piece set called "Iota". It follows an existential personification of a mere iota of existence. It grows and changes, gradually developing it's sense of self-awareness, only to grow and change even further...
If anybody would like to help animate and/or make music to go with this I'd like to collaborate on something like that. I've recorded myself reading it to the track "Stay With Me" from Clint Mansel's soundtrack to "The Fountain". They go pretty well together, I think. But at the moment I don't have anything to do with the recording...